Movie Review: Dunkirk

When the credits roll on Christopher Nolan's latest film - a cinematic experience that brings the full scale of the Battle of Dunkirk to the big screen for the first time - the audience is left speechless. Unlike nearly all of his other films, it's not because you're trying Read more

Dream-Casting a Live-Action Little Mermaid for Disney

Perhaps no task is more difficult for a studio than casting a well-known franchise to match the sky-high expectations of fans. From novels to comic books to animated film remakes, Hollywood has had mixed results with the task; some have spent the big bucks to get the demanded stars, Read more

Best Movies of 2016: The 3rd Annual Groucho Awards

Welcome to the Third Annual Groucho Awards! This is my own platform to nominate and award the movies of my choosing, because it seems that far too often, the movies with the biggest campaigns get Oscar nominations and the little guys are left out in the cold. This year Read more

A compelling case that Corinne is six-years-old, and other Bachelor nonsense

  Written by: @jeremywilson412 In the words of Chris Harrison, "Coming up on this week's episode (recap) of The Bachelor..." The ladies receive their first real test, we pause to remember those we lost this week, I present a theory about Corinne that is bulletproof, and we discuss the contenders and pretenders. But Read more

I was not going to write about The Bachelor, but then...

(Written by: @JeremyWilson412) I wasn’t going to write about The Bachelor this year, but then a girl showed up in a shark costume convinced it was a dolphin costume. I wasn’t going to write about The Bachelor this year, but then a girl showed up who hooked up with Nick at Read more

What I Learned about Chris Pratt's Faith

Most of us have loved Chris Pratt since we first met him as Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec. Then he made his dramatic debuts in Academy Award Best Picture nominees Moneyball and Zero Dark Thirty. The latter revealed that he could be an action star, so it came as no surprise Read more

Feeny Friday: Father Knows Less

Posted on by Joseph Williams in Featured, Feeny Friday, Television | Leave a comment

First, as penance for my Cancun spring break getting in the way of bringing you your weekly dose of Feeny last week, I provide you additional wisdom from the 1990s: What Saved by the Bell Taught Us About Sports from Enjoy! Then keep reading for what wisdom Feeny has for us this week.

Father Knows Less – October 8, 1993

Episode Summary: Alan wakes Cory up late at night to watch the end of a baseball game. Cory fails a test the next day and Mr. Feeny won’t let him re-take it. The father and son relationship is a special thing. It’s a model everything after your dad when you’re a little kid kind of thing.  It’s a put a whole stack of baloney on your sandwich like your dad kind of thing. It’s a taking your model of what a man is from your dad kind of thing.

It’s a wake your son up late at night in the 7th inning of a Phillies possible no-hitter kind of thing.  Which is exactly what Alan does in this episode. More ginormous baloney sandwiches.  More Pepsi.  More potato chips. More guy secrets.  More father-son bonding.

Feeny enters the episode at the 6 minute mark, collecting tests, pulling the test out from under a sleeping Cory who only answered one question.  Cory expresses that the no-hitter kept him up past midnight.

Feeny then insults baseball as if it’s something frivolous because it’s not academic. Hmmm… Feeny… watch yourself! But there must be a greater purpose. Feeny always has his pedagogical tricks up his sleeve.

When Alan comes home that day, Cory explains what happened, spilling the secret to Amy as well.  Alan’s in the doghouse, we have a subtle sexual allusion that I didn’t understand when I was little and originally watched the episode, and it’s up to Alan to go talk to Feeny.  Alan and Cory go see Feeny at the fence.

Alan explains that he had made plans to hang out with Cory, that something else came up (Damn you, Leonard Spinelli!), and so he woke Cory up from the no-hitter to make it up for him. He asks if Cory can make up the test. Read more

Robert Funke: Four Things I Thought About Jeff, Who Lives At Home

Posted on by The Wise Guise in Featured, Guest Spots, Movie Reviews, Movies | 1 Comment

This guest post on Jeff, Who Lives At Home (opening today in theaters) comes from Robert Funke, who is currently studying Screen Writing at USC. We are glad he could join us for his review of the film and highly suggest following him on Twitter at @RFFunke!

1. I wish I could wink.

Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, I can’t wink, at least not in a way that’s helpful. I can close one eye while keeping the other open, but it’s a lumbering, awkward forcing of the face muscles that will never charm a lady or coolly tip my hand to someone in a sneaky situation. And then there are the winkers. There was this guy I went to high school with, we’ll call him “Dudley,” who could wink like an teenage Rob Lowe, and did, often. He’d wink his way into a relationship with a gorgeous girl, then wink off any skepticism from the girl’s parents, then wink his way under the shirt and, with another wink, under the bra.

Fuck Dudley, man. If you can wink, do so subtly, but don’t be sleazy and act like you aren’t winking when it’s become your primary eyeball-lubrication method. This is a movie that winks, but winks subtly, appropriately, and only as much as necessary.

We open on Jason Segel (who would be a charming, endearing main character in snuff porn), as Jeff, a thirty-year-old Lafayette-area stoner, slowly, deliberately recording his thoughts on the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs. He’s seen Signs presumably dozens of times, and is not only the sort of character who might really love Signs, but he’s the sort of character who would build an entire life philosophy and universal ordering system based on Signs. Read more

Dark Horses and Glass Slippers

Posted on by The Wise Guise in Basketball, Featured, Sports | 4 Comments

Luck, Vendettas, and Madness: A Tale of Two Popular Dark Horses & Picking a Villain

By Joseph Williams

The HBO series, Luck, was canceled yesterday by David Milch, Michael Mann, and HBO executives after a third horse died on set during production. I watched the first episode. Production quality was through the roof, but I just didn’t care enough about it.  Ultimately, the show wasn’t worth the death of those horses. Investigators rushed to the set and HBO hedged their bets, and shut down.

Why do I start my NCAA bracket breakdown with this tale? Because I sit here on the precipice of one of my favorite times of the year (the first Thursday and Friday of the NCAA Tournament are only rivaled by Masters weekend and the 48 hours before Christmas morning) with my two favorite teams being touted by experts, fan bases, and bracket Buddhas as possible sleeper picks for the Final Four.  Clearly these people have only looked at the Memphis Tigers and Vanderbilt Commodores on paper, and not at their history of stumbling out of the gate come March. They don’t remember the first-round upsets year after year or the Calipari “We make free throws when it matters”… until the championship game, that is.  He was vindicated by that quote by the way. The championship game DIDN’T matter. The season was expunged from the NCAA record books thanks to Derrick Rose and his SAT magic tricks. Read more

Movie Review: 21 Jump Street

Posted on by Clayton Martin in Featured, Movie Reviews, Movies | 1 Comment

Last week I got to go to a sneak preview showing of 21 Jump Street, which starts playing in theaters this Friday (March 16th). I wouldn’t normally have hardly any expectations going into a movie like this; however, at the time I went to see it, it had managed to pick up 12 positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes giving it a 100% rating. This intrigued me and built a little excitement going into it. 12 reviews probably doesn’t sound like much to go by but it’s a decent indicator of how the movie will be. For comparison, Eddie Murphy’s new movie A Thousand Words, was and still is sitting at 0% after 43 reviews. I’m sure Paramount would have been thrilled to have gotten 12 positive reviews total.

For the record, at the time of this post 21 Jump Street has dropped a little but it is still at 90% with 40 reviews counted. Who would have thought a March release action/comedy could pull that off? Definitely not I. Read more

Fantasy Survivor Challenge: Week 3

Posted on by The Wise Guise in Featured, Reality Check, Television | Leave a comment


Team Colin: 10 points
Team Joseph: 9 points

Team Clayton: 8 points

Joseph’s Expert Analysis/Venting:

I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched. Having watched every episode of Survivor, I can usually read the editing of the episode to figure out who is going to Tribal Council. Mark  Burnett and Jeff Probst occasionally throw us a curveball, but it’s usually pretty predictable in the first 15 minutes of the episode. So I was genuinely shocked when the guys’ tribe won immunity. Something was afoot. I sighed with relief at Bill and Leif living for another week. And then, IT HAPPENED.

Unprecedented.  Unbelievable.  Unfathomable.  In a historic move, what has been discussed by tribes in the past actually happened.  King Colton wanted to make history.  First of all, it’s clear he’s watched Survivor before. He knows how this game works better than most of his fellow competitors. He seems to forget, though, that we now live in an Era of Russell Hantz as opposed to an Era of Richard Hatch.  What I mean is that jurors are not very likely to award a victory to an obnoxious player, no matter how cleverly or forcefully he/she played the game.  Boston Rob learned this lesson and eventually won when he steamrolled everyone, stabbing people in the back but picking his blind loyalist followers well (people who jurors couldn’t possibly want to win) while also building personal relationships and charming people while working hard. Russell never learned this lesson. Colton may very likely make it to the end.  Who wouldn’t want to go up against him in the final tribal council?!?

After convincing his tribe in a true tour de force to be the first tribe in Survivor history to give away tribal immunity (each of the individual eight players had to agree to go to Tribal Council), we were treated to one of the most explosive tribal councils in memory. Race relations in America. Generational disparity.  Economic policy. Sexuality in America. Stereotyping. Defense of nuance, complex humans who can’t be put in boxes based on race, sexuality, geopolitical locations.  And then the tribe bowed to Dictator Colton and voted out Bill. The guys played the “As long as it’s not me” card and went along.  Clearly, they’re competing in the “Sitting Next to Colton In the End” Sweepstakes. Jeff Probst, while saying it was a top dumb-ass move in Survivor history, seems to think that the smart move for someone like Jay or Jonas is to go along with majority and not rock the ship this early in the game if the majority was moving towards going. I tend to disagree. I think it would have been a great idea to stand up and say that this is a dumb idea and it would be better to keep a strong numbers game.  Colton is clearly lobbying for completely forming a new alliance when merging anyways. Stand up to the madness and stay strong.  BUT, if you’re staking your claim on sitting next to Colton in the end, I guess it’s not that unwise.

On to my pep talk to my own little Final Four team… Read more

Liz Riggs: The Bachelor Finale

Posted on by Liz Riggs in Featured, Guest Spots, Reality Check, Television | Leave a comment

This guest post comes from our first repeat guest blogger, Liz Riggs. If you missed her first post on The Bachelor you should definitely check it out as well!

It’s official: Ben Flabjlekwrjfjlkds has officially become America’s most hated bachelor.  And Courtney has gotten hotter, more irritating, and established herself as the most frustrating person to watch on TV.  Listen. We all know what happened.  Lindzi rode horses all throughout the Swiss Mountains on the finale and we realized we knew nothing about her except that she was maybe from somewhere near Seattle.  In fact, I think Ben actually used that as one of the integral pieces of her personality that his family should know about her.    She still wore too much make up and had what appeared to be rotting pieces of straw sticking out of her head, just drawing more attention to the fact that Courtney is really hot.  Like, seriously, have you seen her? Ben, she’s really hot.  And so we sat through two hours of mind-numbing horseshit, watching Ben make the biggest mistake of his life.  But hey, his big sister, whose face looks like Ben’s was photoshopped onto a female body, thinks Courtney is the bees knees. And now the asshat couple will live happily ever after for three months until they realize they have no mutual interest besides drinking copious amounts of wine and not appreciating tabloid hate. Read more