This past Monday I felt an emptiness in my life. I knew it had nothing to do with my work or my personal life or not pursuing my dreams or anything like that, so I googled “the bachelorette 2015 start date,” and to my delight I found that it starts this coming Monday, May 18th!
The natural next step was to look for the bios. I had a cold sweat when I thought that I missed the bio release, but then when looking on ABC’s page I couldn’t find any bios except for Britt, Kaitlyn, and author of The Perfect Letter, Chris Harrison.
Ain’t no party like a Bachelor party, cuz a Bachelor party is FIVE HOURS THIS WEEK.
Guys (girls), I can’t believe Farmer Chris and Jade sat there and watched her strip… I mean, how did it come to that? Ugh, but we’ll get to that later, anyway…
Ladies, and Gentlemen who “only watch it because their girlfriend/wife does,”
Much like the desperate, last-resort-before-I-quit-men-altogether contestant would say… I’m excited to spend more time with each and every one of you here on the blog. I’m excited to see where this goes.
They’ve done it. They have officially done it.
They found a way to keep us thoroughly entertained while not even having a rose ceremony. We have officially lost our voice as the viewer. The powers that be can now do whatever they want to us.
The episode ended without any finality to it, and we were all ok with it. That’s like the Super Bowl coming down to the last minute and the refs being like, “Ok, that’s enough,” and just calling the game. Maybe not, but it’s like an exciting tennis match going to a 5th set and both players just walking off the court to a standing ovation from the fans.
Is it safe to say that this is our craziest group of girls in recent memory? And not just on The Bachelor, but like any group of at least 10 girls. We have a sociopath, a virgin, a psychopath, someone who’s never had a boyfriend… AND THAT’S JUST ASHLEY I! I used to think that you couldn’t hate someone that you don’t know, but my outlook has changed.
My sincerest apologies for the delay on this post – my real job that actually pays me money got in the way. Don’t worry, I have found a way to prevent this from happening in the future. I set up a Kickstarter page that opens every Monday, so you can login and donate to my cause up until midnight. If I have at least $5,000 raised by midnight, then I will write a recap and post it by noon on Tuesday. If not, then you can expect a recap at some random hour on Wednesday or Thursday.
The Kickstarter page can be found at:
Alternate Titles: Chris kissed me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt; or, Jillian’s little black box; or, Big time players make big time plays, and in this case the big time player is Jade.
Dear Friends Who Watched Farmer Chris Kiss Everyone on Television Last Night,
I must confess a few things before we get started…