Like most of America, I fast forwarded through much of The Bachelor finale, only to be disappointed with the fact that Sean picked Catherine, someone I barely even knew was on the show.
Poor Lindsay: She walked through a bunch of woods and rocks only to get dumped on national television despite the fact that she was sure she was about to get engaged. I’ve been dumped in a lot of different ways, but that, folks, is simply awful.
But, because she apparently is a ROCK STAR, she barely cried, she walked away, and she didn’t say anything stupid or too pathetic until she was in the car. That almost never happens.
Then Sean picked Catherine and we all yawned.
Catherine and Sean get weird. (From WetPaint)
This week’s episode of The Bachelor was spectacularly awful. To be honest, I could barely stand to watch the majority of it, as nobody says or does anything interesting, and I don’t find Sean to be ridiculously attractive (as it seems the rest of the country does). Furthermore, the gratuitous shots of him in tank tops staring into the sun are starting to get a bit redundant.
Highlights of this episode? THE PREVIEWS. Things we can learn from this episode?
“Gang’s all here.”
I can’t sleep, guys. It’s 4:00 in the morning, and somewhere Jef Holm is a future-daddy to TeenMomChildRicki.
First of all, I want to say that these recaps are not about being right. They are, as you would suspect, also about finding true love. Which is why I’ll still leave my phone number at the end of this one—and I’ll consider leaving my address. Now, there won’t be tons of highlights from this episode, as I was too devastated to take serious notes, but I do have a few things to say.
“I HAD THE BEST DAY WITH YOU!”
Anyone who watches The Bachelorette knows that superlatives rule all, and that anyone can have three best days with three best guys. So, we got to hear about how Emily and Sweaty(Seeya!)Sean, Arie, and One-f-Jef had the absolute best days of their lives with the absolute best girl Emily who has made them feel like no one else in the world has ever in their whole lives and how they are madly, deeply, truly in love with her the most that a human can be, and how if this were the real world—wouldn’t this sort of weird-ass love rectangle be the cause of some serious scorn and maybe even illegal somewhere? Read more
Welcome back, Feeny fanatics!
Episode Title: “Class Pre-Union” Originally aired November 26, 1993.
Episode Summary: Mr. Feeny gives an assignment to the class to predict where their life will be by their 20th class reunion, and a special guest appearance from a legendary Hall-of-Fame pitcher!
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I own approximately eight movies. Two of them are Baz Luhrmann films that I will speak of another time. Two are suspense thrillers. Two are 90s’ teen flicks. One is Shawshank Redemption. And the last, my dearies, is The Sandlot. Also known as the best movie ever made in the world. Read more
“I wanna date you so hard and marry the f-ck out of you.”
These are the words One-F-Jef said to me last night during the latest installment of The Bachelorette. You probably thought he was talking to Emily, but you were wrong. His skinny jeans were looking at me. And his outer wrist tattoo? That’s of my given name, Elizabeth. In case you missed it.