The Bachelorette finale is in the books. The journey is over. Andi found true love and happiness, and Nick’s hand-drawn storybook found the nearest dumpster in the Dominican Republic.
But before we move on, I need to take care of two things. Read more
Well, my experiment failed. I thought maybe if I stopped writing about this season that it would just go away. I got tired of Andi and her boy(z II men). I was tired of watching these men swaddled in scarves perusing some of this world’s greatest cities. But, I never stopped watching the episodes. Then the Bachelor(ette) did what it does best – it suckered me back in once we got down to the final four. Read more
And then there were 16…
(16 men(?) with full, thick heads of hair – so long, the only guy showing any signs of hair loss)
Another week in the books, and another episode that felt like a week of my life. I couldn’t believe my eyes every time I looked at the time on my DVR while fast-forwarding through commercials. How were there still 40 minutes left after the group date?
But hey, what’s worse than one episode of The Bachelorette a week?… That’s right, TWO episodes, and that’s what we have on our hands next week. So if you are looking for a chance to get out, now is the time. If you want to wipe your hands clean of this season and be done with it, do it now. Because next week it looks like we’ll be knee-deep in four hours of Bachelorette-ness, and all of your favorite buzzwords and catchphrases are back:
Opening night has come and gone. 25 desperate men made the nerve-racking walk from the limo to greet their hopeful bride-to-be, Andi, and five of those men were sent packing… some more emotional than others, (cough) Josh B (cough).
As far as opening nights go, this one was pretty tame, and tame is a nice way of saying boring. Let’s give it a 6/10 – three points for the awkward limo entrances, and three points for the season previews we saw after the show. After all, the season previews are the most important aspect of the first episode.
The sun is back out, summer vacations are just around the corner, and there are a few less pastel v-necks on the shelves — that can only mean only thing…
Ladies and (begrudging) gentleman, its time for The Bachelorette!
That’s right, if you’re thinking that The Bachelor just ended, and how could it already be time for The Bachelorette, then we agree. But hey, there’s nothing we can do about it. We just need to clear our Monday nights and lie to our friends about what we’re doing. Easy breezy.
Andi, the drug busting, crime fighting, Juan Pablo hating District Attorney from Atlanta is primed and ready for her turn to find love, and this time she’s in charge (I picture her saying that in a cheesy promo followed by crossing her arms and turning to the side). I can hardly wait for the staged court room work scenes that they’ll wheel out for the premier.
So who are the lucky 25 fellas that get a shot at wooing the world’s worst dancer?
I’ll break down some of the bios that jumped out at me, highlighting some quick hitters about each walking piece of hair product.
Well guys, The Bachelor is back and this time it’s better/worse/more excruciating than ever! Our STEAMY bachelor, Juan Pablo, is known for being able to take off his shirt, juggle a soccer ball, and make women melt with his basic subject-predicate sentences in ENGLISH. I may have missed the premiere last week, which I admit is a shame because it’s the drunkest women will ever get in the whole world and all of time, but I’m still here and we’ve got some people to make fun of.
The first one on one date took place in some sort of fake snow situation that was like a fairytale duhhhh and also there were bikinis I think. Superhotgirl#330 kept saying that “Juan Pablo makes me feel like a kid again!!!” but that’s probably mostly because she has to speak in SIMPLE SENTENCES so he can understand her. Oh, and I know you were wondering if Superhotgirl#330 ever had trouble being vulnerable and opening up? SHE DID SHE HAS SHE DID ALERT THE AUTHORITIES!