Disclaimer: I watched the show immediately after my favorite hockey team suffered a brutal loss. All comments and analogies will most likely reflect how upset I was at the time. I’m still upset, for what it’s worth. But hey, you know the old saying – it’s better to let a sporting event ruin your day/week/month than to put it in perspective with the grand scheme of life! On top of that, halfway through writing this recap I knocked over a 24oz tumbler of coffee off of my desk and directly into my workbag. So just keep that in mind when you feel like I may have crossed the line.
(Am I the only person in America who TiVo’d the Bachelorette to watch after the Stanley Cup Final?)
(Am I the only person on earth still saying TiVo when referring to any television recording? I don’t know why I do that – I never even owned an actual TiVo.)
Let’s get to it…
This past Monday I felt an emptiness in my life. I knew it had nothing to do with my work or my personal life or not pursuing my dreams or anything like that, so I googled “the bachelorette 2015 start date,” and to my delight I found that it starts this coming Monday, May 18th!
The natural next step was to look for the bios. I had a cold sweat when I thought that I missed the bio release, but then when looking on ABC’s page I couldn’t find any bios except for Britt, Kaitlyn, and author of The Perfect Letter, Chris Harrison.
Ain’t no party like a Bachelor party, cuz a Bachelor party is FIVE HOURS THIS WEEK.
Guys (girls), I can’t believe Farmer Chris and Jade sat there and watched her strip… I mean, how did it come to that? Ugh, but we’ll get to that later, anyway…
Editors note: The three hottest stories coming out of the Nashville area. These stories have been hand-selected due to the importance of the community. This is absolutely not a spinoff of The Onion — the only similarities are the general story ideas, the way they are written, and the format.
Ladies, and Gentlemen who “only watch it because their girlfriend/wife does,”
Much like the desperate, last-resort-before-I-quit-men-altogether contestant would say… I’m excited to spend more time with each and every one of you here on the blog. I’m excited to see where this goes.
They’ve done it. They have officially done it.
They found a way to keep us thoroughly entertained while not even having a rose ceremony. We have officially lost our voice as the viewer. The powers that be can now do whatever they want to us.
The episode ended without any finality to it, and we were all ok with it. That’s like the Super Bowl coming down to the last minute and the refs being like, “Ok, that’s enough,” and just calling the game. Maybe not, but it’s like an exciting tennis match going to a 5th set and both players just walking off the court to a standing ovation from the fans.
Is it safe to say that this is our craziest group of girls in recent memory? And not just on The Bachelor, but like any group of at least 10 girls. We have a sociopath, a virgin, a psychopath, someone who’s never had a boyfriend… AND THAT’S JUST ASHLEY I! I used to think that you couldn’t hate someone that you don’t know, but my outlook has changed.