Well guys, The Bachelor is back and this time it’s better/worse/more excruciating than ever! Our STEAMY bachelor, Juan Pablo, is known for being able to take off his shirt, juggle a soccer ball, and make women melt with his basic subject-predicate sentences in ENGLISH. I may have missed the premiere last week, which I admit is a shame because it’s the drunkest women will ever get in the whole world and all of time, but I’m still here and we’ve got some people to make fun of.
The first one on one date took place in some sort of fake snow situation that was like a fairytale duhhhh and also there were bikinis I think. Superhotgirl#330 kept saying that “Juan Pablo makes me feel like a kid again!!!” but that’s probably mostly because she has to speak in SIMPLE SENTENCES so he can understand her. Oh, and I know you were wondering if Superhotgirl#330 ever had trouble being vulnerable and opening up? SHE DID SHE HAS SHE DID ALERT THE AUTHORITIES!