They’ve done it. They have officially done it.
They found a way to keep us thoroughly entertained while not even having a rose ceremony. We have officially lost our voice as the viewer. The powers that be can now do whatever they want to us.
The episode ended without any finality to it, and we were all ok with it. That’s like the Super Bowl coming down to the last minute and the refs being like, “Ok, that’s enough,” and just calling the game. Maybe not, but it’s like an exciting tennis match going to a 5th set and both players just walking off the court to a standing ovation from the fans.
Is it safe to say that this is our craziest group of girls in recent memory? And not just on The Bachelor, but like any group of at least 10 girls. We have a sociopath, a virgin, a psychopath, someone who’s never had a boyfriend… AND THAT’S JUST ASHLEY I! I used to think that you couldn’t hate someone that you don’t know, but my outlook has changed.
My sincerest apologies for the delay on this post – my real job that actually pays me money got in the way. Don’t worry, I have found a way to prevent this from happening in the future. I set up a Kickstarter page that opens every Monday, so you can login and donate to my cause up until midnight. If I have at least $5,000 raised by midnight, then I will write a recap and post it by noon on Tuesday. If not, then you can expect a recap at some random hour on Wednesday or Thursday.
The Kickstarter page can be found at:
Alternate Titles: Chris kissed me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt; or, Jillian’s little black box; or, Big time players make big time plays, and in this case the big time player is Jade.
Dear Friends Who Watched Farmer Chris Kiss Everyone on Television Last Night,
I must confess a few things before we get started…
Alternate titles: $500 to the first person who figures out Chris’ taste in women; or, “Chris, this is your life, there are no rules.” –Chris Harrison; or, Chris Soules will kiss you whether you like it or not.
Bachelor watchers and watchettes,
Before we get started today, let’s have a brief moment of silence for Andi and Josh.
Alternate Titles: It’s Britt’s world and we’re all just living in it, or…
It’s drunk Tara’s world and we’re all just living in it, or…
Oh my goodness, one of those girls named her kid Kale!
Guys and girls,
What a night. I mean, what a night.
I don’t want to fall victim to hyperbole, but that might’ve been the best opening night in the show’s decorated history. They even threw an hour of horrible red carpet coverage at us and that still didn’t weigh down what was a great premier.
Ladies, Gentlemen (including those who say they just watch it because their wife/girlfriend does), take a moment and say your HELLOS TO SEASON 19 OF THE BACHELOR.
The producers of The Bachelor have dipped into the never-ending well of girls who, and this is just a guess, have so much love to give.