It’s that time again. That’s right – there are two magical times a year in which a brand new batch of Americans get “marooned” in a remote location that is nearly always an island in a tropical locale. For those of you who haven’t been so lucky to see my blog posts in the past discussing “Why Survivor is Still Relevant”, Survivor Fantasy Teams, and game play analysis, welcome to my guiltiest of pleasures. Either you’re a skeptic and you’re done reading this post now, or there’s something inside of you that also realizes Survivor is one of the best things to ever air on television.
As for this post, I’m previewing the new season, which promises a completely different game from every version we’ve ever seen before. After seasons of tinkering with the structure of the game and experimenting with one twist at a time, this season not only provides a completely new casting concept, but also provides multiple game-changing twists that will ensure this season will be one of the most unique ever. Will it pan out? I’m hopeful. But then again, I’m a Survivor loyalist.
The Bachelorette finale happened last night, while you were probably somewhere not caring. AND, in case you missed it last week too, basically Des’s number-one-boo was NOT IN LOVE WITH HER and bolted home while she sat in piles of tears on a dock. So, she had two dudes left (whom she’s not in love with) and everyone (no one) was like Whaaaa?!
OH MAN. THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
Since this finale was a two-parter (thank God), this episode STARTED with a finale rose ceremony, where Des didn’t have to actually send anyone home because the love of her life had already left on his own accord. During the “ceremony,” Chris was looking normal-dude aggravated that she was clearly crying because she missed ANOTHER GUY. And Drew was all, I wonder if I can collect her tears and turn them into Des-lotion. Read more
Holy bonkers, y’all. The Bachelorette got OFF THE CHAIN last night. We’re talking, like, this should have been the only episode in this entire season, bonkers. We’re not going to do a traditional five point recap because the only recap is the fact that BROOKS DOESN’T LOVE DES AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW????
Okay, so let me break it down for you:
Des went on two FANTASY SUITE dates with Drew and then Chris, and nothing at all interesting happened, except probably some behind-the-scenes heavy petting, and both dudes wildly professing their love for her while she secretly pretended she was dry humping Brooks.
“I’m hoping for a proposal, and from Brooks!” (DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?)
Des looking freaked out, because DUH.
WHOA WHOA WHOA. I missed one week of nobody’s favorite show, and there are like three dudes left. OKAY, kidding, there are totally five —which means that next week brings the HOMETOWN DATES. Last week (so sorry for my absence, y’all), Des sent home James (THE WORST) and Juan Pablo, because apparently she wants to practice abstinence for THE REST OF HER LIFE. This week, Des had some former Bachelor pals visit (America’s fave z list celebs) including WhiteLesley from Sean’s season, and other people that I didn’t like as much. AND, all the dudes started telling Des they love her, even though we know she probs only loves Brooks. OKAY. Highlights!
It’s another week of The Bachelorette and another week where all of our brain cells shrink into themselves and then explode onto the floor. The show could have been truncated into 30 minutes of nail-biting television, and instead, it dragged out for what felt like an eternity. But imagine! If the show were condensed into 30 minutes, and they turned it into a sitcom about a group of suitors and a boring lady. Or, they just made it like Friends. OR, they made it INTO Friends. Then we could all just watch and talk about Friends every week!
This week included a trip to Germany, a two on one date, and a great set of previews. Highlights below!
Last night on The Bachelorette, there were high heels, tears, helicopters (obvi), and, of course, a private Darius Rucker show. No one’s quite sure when this show became the relaunch pad for comeback 90′s artists, but, then again, nobody really cares. To be honest, most of this episode was an opportunity for ABC to put their do-good shoes on and promote support for the Red Cross’ Hurricane Sandy efforts. And, as noble as that is, if you’re anything like me, most of the time you were just asking yourself: is that where Jersey Shore was filmed? The highlight of this bore-fest was the Mr. Bachelorette or Mr. America or whatever pageant, where the dudes put on speedos and Des giggled. In case you (hopefully) missed it: