Movie Review: Dunkirk

When the credits roll on Christopher Nolan's latest film - a cinematic experience that brings the full scale of the Battle of Dunkirk to the big screen for the first time - the audience is left speechless. Unlike nearly all of his other films, it's not because you're trying Read more

Dream-Casting a Live-Action Little Mermaid for Disney

Perhaps no task is more difficult for a studio than casting a well-known franchise to match the sky-high expectations of fans. From novels to comic books to animated film remakes, Hollywood has had mixed results with the task; some have spent the big bucks to get the demanded stars, Read more

Best Movies of 2016: The 3rd Annual Groucho Awards

Welcome to the Third Annual Groucho Awards! This is my own platform to nominate and award the movies of my choosing, because it seems that far too often, the movies with the biggest campaigns get Oscar nominations and the little guys are left out in the cold. This year Read more

A compelling case that Corinne is six-years-old, and other Bachelor nonsense

  Written by: @jeremywilson412 In the words of Chris Harrison, "Coming up on this week's episode (recap) of The Bachelor..." The ladies receive their first real test, we pause to remember those we lost this week, I present a theory about Corinne that is bulletproof, and we discuss the contenders and pretenders. But Read more

I was not going to write about The Bachelor, but then...

(Written by: @JeremyWilson412) I wasn’t going to write about The Bachelor this year, but then a girl showed up in a shark costume convinced it was a dolphin costume. I wasn’t going to write about The Bachelor this year, but then a girl showed up who hooked up with Nick at Read more

What I Learned about Chris Pratt's Faith

Most of us have loved Chris Pratt since we first met him as Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec. Then he made his dramatic debuts in Academy Award Best Picture nominees Moneyball and Zero Dark Thirty. The latter revealed that he could be an action star, so it came as no surprise Read more

Guest Spots

Whitney Reisser: American Idol Performances Worth Idolizing

Posted on by Guest in Featured, Guest Spots, Reality Check, Television | 2 Comments

Whitney here again with your latest dose of American Idol scoop.  This week’s post is going to be a little different from my first Idol Thoughts though.  Rather than review each of the remaining contestants’ performances from the last couple of weeks, I thought I would spend this week sharing my top 10 performances over the past 10 seasons.  As I said in my previous post, one of my favorite things to do is to re-watch old footage of Idol.  I’ve put a lot of thought into compiling my list, so if you’re looking for something to do while you’re bored at work on this pretty Monday, take a quick break and check out these performances.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.  Also, I would love to hear what your favorite performances are if I happened to leave yours off the list. Read more

Robert Funke: Four Things I Thought About Jeff, Who Lives At Home

Posted on by The Wise Guise in Featured, Guest Spots, Movie Reviews, Movies | 1 Comment

This guest post on Jeff, Who Lives At Home (opening today in theaters) comes from Robert Funke, who is currently studying Screen Writing at USC. We are glad he could join us for his review of the film and highly suggest following him on Twitter at @RFFunke!

1. I wish I could wink.

Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, I can’t wink, at least not in a way that’s helpful. I can close one eye while keeping the other open, but it’s a lumbering, awkward forcing of the face muscles that will never charm a lady or coolly tip my hand to someone in a sneaky situation. And then there are the winkers. There was this guy I went to high school with, we’ll call him “Dudley,” who could wink like an teenage Rob Lowe, and did, often. He’d wink his way into a relationship with a gorgeous girl, then wink off any skepticism from the girl’s parents, then wink his way under the shirt and, with another wink, under the bra.

Fuck Dudley, man. If you can wink, do so subtly, but don’t be sleazy and act like you aren’t winking when it’s become your primary eyeball-lubrication method. This is a movie that winks, but winks subtly, appropriately, and only as much as necessary.

We open on Jason Segel (who would be a charming, endearing main character in snuff porn), as Jeff, a thirty-year-old Lafayette-area stoner, slowly, deliberately recording his thoughts on the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs. He’s seen Signs presumably dozens of times, and is not only the sort of character who might really love Signs, but he’s the sort of character who would build an entire life philosophy and universal ordering system based on Signs. Read more

Liz Riggs: The Bachelor Finale

Posted on by Liz Riggs in Featured, Guest Spots, Reality Check, Television | Leave a comment

This guest post comes from our first repeat guest blogger, Liz Riggs. If you missed her first post on The Bachelor you should definitely check it out as well!

It’s official: Ben Flabjlekwrjfjlkds has officially become America’s most hated bachelor.  And Courtney has gotten hotter, more irritating, and established herself as the most frustrating person to watch on TV.  Listen. We all know what happened.  Lindzi rode horses all throughout the Swiss Mountains on the finale and we realized we knew nothing about her except that she was maybe from somewhere near Seattle.  In fact, I think Ben actually used that as one of the integral pieces of her personality that his family should know about her.    She still wore too much make up and had what appeared to be rotting pieces of straw sticking out of her head, just drawing more attention to the fact that Courtney is really hot.  Like, seriously, have you seen her? Ben, she’s really hot.  And so we sat through two hours of mind-numbing horseshit, watching Ben make the biggest mistake of his life.  But hey, his big sister, whose face looks like Ben’s was photoshopped onto a female body, thinks Courtney is the bees knees. And now the asshat couple will live happily ever after for three months until they realize they have no mutual interest besides drinking copious amounts of wine and not appreciating tabloid hate. Read more

Whitney Reisser: Idol Thoughts

Posted on by Guest in Featured, Guest Spots, Reality Check, Television | 6 Comments

This guest post comes from Maryville, TN native Whitney Reisser. We are honored to help fulfill her dream of being an American Idol blogger and we look forward to having her share some more Idol Thoughts in the future!

It’s officially my favorite season…American Idol season!  My name is Whitney Reisser, and I am a self-proclaimed Idoloonie.  It has always been my dream to be an Idol blogger, so you can imagine my excitement when Clayton asked me to join The Wise Guise and share my passion for Idol with you.

Let me start of by telling you a little bit about myself and my own Idol journey.  I’ve been avid watcher of American Idol since season one, and I do not miss an episode.  I calculated the hours per season, and I think I’ve watched around 800 hours of American Idol. That doesn’t include the fact that I often watch episodes multiple times to ensure I really know the performances and the contestants.  In my spare time, I love reading Idol blogs, doing research about contestants’ lives “before Idol,” and watching my favorite Idol recap webisode “Idology” at TV Line.

Okay, so I could either be making myself out to be a total nerd or as a well-educated and trusted Idol source…I’m gonna assume it’s the latter.  So with the first week of live shows behind us and a huge 12-person elimination last week, we embark on our first theme week this Wednesday.  Before we see our top 13 battle it out, I want to do a quick run through of our contestants this year (listed in the order they were announced).  Feel free to give your input in the comments below. Read more

Liz Riggs: I Want To Know What Love Is

Posted on by Liz Riggs in Featured, Guest Spots, Reality Check, Television | 5 Comments

This guest post comes from Nashville, TN resident Liz Riggs. We are proud to endorse her post on The Bachelor and we look forward to having her work with us more in the future!

If you haven’t seen The Bachelor yet, then allow the remainder of this piece to enlighten you.   I think most half educated human beings with a pulse know the premise of the show: a douchey 20 something male lacking an overwhelming amount of self awareness and containing just enough desperation simultaneously “dates” anywhere between 2 and 25 women whilst being followed by cameras.  It’s quite obviously the only recipe for true love.

Now, for those of you who haven’t watched much of this season, I would be absolutely delighted to fill you in.  Ben F., a “wine maker” from Sonoma experienced a devastating loss on last season’s The Bachelorette (hopefully your middle school inference skills can help you surmise the premise of that show).  He then became ABC’s new bachelor—God forbid they choose an actual person that applied for the position.  He sorted through a variety of women ranging from boring to extremely boring, slutty to potentially-bisexual, PhD students to “VIP” Cocktail waitresses, and LA models to Southern Belles. Read more

Patrick Russell: A Typical Week in English Graduate School

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This post comes from Texas Tech Graduate School student Patrick Russell. We are glad he has agreed to join us and we hope you all enjoy his humorous post!

When I tell people that I’ve gone back to school for a master’s degree in English, the most frequent question I get is: what do I actually do as an English graduate student, other than read old books and learn how to make coffee or how to super-size fries? When the tears caused by their insensitive jokes finally stop* and I have gathered enough strength to face the world again, I try to educate my “friends” ** about the realities of life of an English grad student.

*There’s career potential in English graduate school besides working in the fast food industry, people! I could teach high school English. Also, I hear that some carwashes offer dental these days!

**Seriously. Words hurt.

What follows is a brief retelling of the events of last week, a typical week for me. All of it is true, though I have edited some inappropriate language. Read more