Google Search Fun Bag

Welcome to the first Wise Guise Google Search Fun Bag. This post derives from the myriad of “google searches” that led people to our blog. So why not make a blog post about it? We don’t know who searched what or even what page it led them to, just that they googled the term and it led to a link to our site. We will either give our commentary or hypothetical scenario on why a particular phrase was searched. Hey, it’s Friday and we just want you to have a good laugh. If you don’t laugh, it’s all Joseph’s fault. He’s not here to defend himself this week so why not take a few shots at him. Enjoy. I definitely overused “so why not”. Noted.

1. Naked Feeny

Cory Matthews stole a time machine and warped into the year 2012. He’s scouring the internet because he has a math test in the past that he has not yet studied for. His only option is to use the time machine to find a picture of Feeny naked to blackmail him for a B. Hey, Cory is a smart guy, but he knows if he brings home an A, his parents will be on to his scent of deception. I’m really hoping this is the actual scenario, otherwise there are some sick people out there. Seriously.

2. First:”Clayton” Last: “Martin”

There are way too many punctuation marks in this search. I’m just glad they were nice enough to separate Clayton Martin’s name. I just want to know why they needed to be so precise. I bet they have lots of labels and color coordinated clothing drawers.

3. How to convince your parents to let you order wrestlemania

Hey kid, Google is a powerful tool, but not so sure they provide advice on how to persuade the parentals. But I applaud your effort, outside of the box thinking. Colleges like that on a resume.

4. When a guy doesnt pleasure you in return

What the hell did she read once she got to our blog? Did she think The Wise Guise were gender specific therapists offering up reasons and answers to women’s frustrations? More importantly, I really hope she left our blog satisfied. Pun intended.

5. Back woods no white boys better watch out for them white boys

Wait, I’m confused. The back woods contain no white boys, but they are still warning us about the dangers of the white boys? I can’t think of anything clever. I tried, but I am too busy looking out for white boys.

6. I hate colton dixon (25 times)

So this was searched 25 times. And I bet 24 of these were Whitney Reisser. I watched her flip the T.V. off every time that skunked-haired hipster came on the screen. She’s the culprit of all these malicious searches. Poor Colton. She can trash her Colton voo doo doll, her mission is complete. Dont believe me that she has a Colton voo doo doll? Trust me, I know, I’m her future brother in-law.

7. What are lebron james future career goals

Win not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6…Oh wait. We have heard that before. I’m willing to bet Lebron James Googled this himself because he A) might be that self absorbed or B) maybe that was Eric Spoelstra’s homework for the weekend. “Guys before the playoffs start, I want you to sit down and think about your goals.” You know Lebron is a great student(haven’t you seen his comercial about statistics?), so he did his homework and happened to stumble upon our blog. I just hope he doesn’t read my posts.

8.Wise guize (2 times)

This misspelling happened twice? Can someone tell me what a guize is? I would pronounce that like geese, but with a sleazy exaggeration on the Z. I imagine Mr. Burns saying this word over and over again while petting his cat. Also, having a Vandy alum on staff, I am appalled that one of his fans didn’t know how to spell guise. Come on guise, it’s not that hard to spell. Wait, I meant guys. I really wanted to insert a Derek Dooley quote somewhere in this scenario, but I don’t like to offend people.

9. Kevin hart legs

Wow. This is super specific. Kevin Hart is a comedian, so why would people be Googling his legs? I get it that he’s short and he mentioned on Conan that he has great calves, but searching for his legs seems a little strange. I have an inclination Kevin was the one behind this search. It’s great that The Wise Guise has such a high volume of celebrity readers. We in the building son!! Alright alright alright.

10. Colin stovall is a bitch

Very funny Clayton and Joseph. Kudos. You know how regularly I check the site stats, and you thought subtly slipping in this search would not go unnoticed. Then BAM! I see it. Frantically I rack my brain wondering who it could have been. An ex-girlfriend? A co-worker? My neighbors? After deep mediatation, the ONLY plausible explanation would be Clayton/ and or Joseph entered this search to frazzle my allegiance to The Wise Guise. I remain unwavered. So Clayton and Joseph, prepare to be Googled. Message received and heard loud and clear. And don’t get any ideas to Google search this phrase anymore, that would not be funny.


Well, I hope you guise(guys) enjoyed this inaugural Google Search Fun Bag post. If you would like to add your renditions of what happened in these searches we would love to hear them. Holla at ya boy.



Posted on by Colin Stovall in Featured

5 Responses to Google Search Fun Bag

  1. Utley

    I knew you checked those. It was me, biatch. I “searched” Clayton too.

  2. Justin

    I found your blog searching for Netflix recommendations, but this post is pretty damn hilarious.

    My site occasionally gets referrals that feel like a reach… but these are off the wall.

    Anyway you convinced me to finally go watch Tiny Furniture, so cheers to that.

    • Clayton Martin

      Thanks for the comment! This is just the first round of Google searches that have lead to our site somehow. We’ll probably do another post of them this Friday.

      How did you like Tiny Furniture?

      • Justin

        I liked Tiny Furniture, but wouldn’t say I loved it. I also watched Withnail & I… now that one blew my mind. The saddest, funniest film I’ve seen in ages.

        • Clayton Martin

          That’s awesome! I think Withnail & I is vastly underrated. And I’m a sucker for the type of humor in Tiny Furniture too. With the same types of comedies being released over and over these days I just find movies like that refreshing. It’s not the best, but it’s the type of movie that gives me hope for the future.

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