Everyday I’m Hustlin’: An Ode to Fake Hustle

It’s 10:53 pm, we don’t have a blog post for tomorrow, nothing in the reserve, and the daily streak needs to continue. I throw on my headphones and turn on my T.I. Pandora station to get to work. First song, Motivation. As if Pandora knowingly prepared T.I.’s anthem to start me off on the right key. Next song, Kanye’s Good Life. Time to put in work. I’m good (T-Pain).

This post is a prime example of what I like to call Fake Hustle. Allow me to explain. Being a coach for several years I have seen all types of scenarios and situations, some good and others not so much. Kids who gave me their best effort never had a complaint come from my mouth. Those who chose to half ass usually caught a flurry of unfavorable phrases and death stares. All that being said, I believe my coaching career allows me to identify people’s “Hustle Game”. Still waiting for a definition? Don’t worry it’s coming. Damn, this T.I. Pandora is killing tonight. I’m a King.

Fake Hustle is what it sounds like. Fronting like you tried hard when people cast a glance your way. Classic example of the Fake Hustle(FH) surfaces in the fall on Saturdays and Sundays on the gridiron. A corner or a safety gets caught out of position or gets frozen on a double move allowing the wide receiver to waltz into the endzone. Instead of giving up on the play, 30 yards behind the player they try to “catch up” and dive tackle at the opponents feet after they cross the line. This was only done so the film session on Tuesday isn’t a complete ass chewing. “But coach I almost had him!” “Son, he moon-walked the last 10 yards.” It’s easy to identify the fake hustle on the football field and basketball court. But where does FH show up in other facets of life?

You’ve spent the last 2 hours exhausting Grantland’s daily posts, avoiding making phone calls or completing a spreadsheet, and now it’s 4:30. Suddenly you realize something needs to be done before you leave, so now your day just got “really busy”. Later in the evening at Trivia night, you compare “busy” work day stories with fellow young professionals. Little do they realize you were also able to reach level 43 on Brick Breaker on your BlackBerry in that same “busy” day. Hey, I am just as guilty as these examples, so stop rolling your eyes or angrily concocting your list of things I’ve fake hustled in the past. We all have our own moments.

March Madness, you have two tabs open on your browser all day, first one is business related, the other is the Iona/Kansas live feed because you cleverly chose Kansas to lose in the 2nd round and your bracket challenge is really important. Thankfully you are only a click away from appeasing whomever is in the office or not in the office.

Fake Hustle. We do it because because we are people pleasers. I didn’t really feel like writing this late at night, I have an early appointment tomorrow and want to be well rested.*I sell life insurance, and I would love to sit down and have a discussion with you about protecting your future and helping identify the people and things you would want to be taken care of in the event of your death. Sorry, it was coming out eventually in a post. But, I know our readers want something to take their mind off TPS reports, filing papers, service calls, and whatever else you do in your day. So I’m getting my fake hustle on for our Wise Guise fans.

Another area where we see FH is between roommates. Oh you emptied the dishwasher so you’re a clean freak now? What about the dust under the couch or the gunk growing on the porcelain throne? (This is not a shot at either one of my roomies). Just because you took the trash out last night doesn’t give you pardon from helping out the other roommates on “Clean the entire house day”. It’s still your mess too. You live here.

Still need clarification? How about this scenario. It’s couples Bible Study tonight, you are finishing up on the golf course and rushing home to give yourself that extra 8 minutes to look over the text and answer the first 3 questions. Your sageness is beyond measure. “Hey they aren’t going to call on me after I eagerly answer the first few questions. Let someone else give their input.” I also applied this logic in high school and college. Tried it on a paper one time and my teacher wrote this fun little note, “It seems written¬†as if you only read half of the book.” Dammit my Fake Hustle wasn’t good enough.

The last FH I’ll shed light on is seen during the holidays. Men are particularly guilty around Christmas time to wait too long before getting their shopping done. “Honey, I searched everywhere to get you a great gift.” Walgreens, Fred’s, Exxon, and Walmart don’t exactly qualify as a Louis and Clarkesque gift exploration. Hustle hard fellas.

It’s now 11:32, T.I.’s U Don’t Know Me is now thumping in my headphones. My eyes are getting heavy. I’ve now covered my ass to not get fully chewed out during film session. What about proofreading? Proofreading? We are talking about proofreading man, I’m the franchise player and we up here talking about proofreading? How the hell am I gonna make this post better by proofreading? 11:35, Big Tymers Still Fly.

Keep your eyes peeled for the Fake Hustle in your life. Every now and then we bite on the double move, it happens. Just don’t be that guy who makes me jog harder towards the end zone, causing me to cut short my Cupid Shuffle 5 yards short. You’re still going to get yelled at by your coach. Why get yourself out of breath for nothing?

11:40, Rick Ross Hustlin‘. That just happened.

I think this guy gets it.


Posted on by Colin Stovall in Featured, Misc. Posts, Sports

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