Tuesday’s With Tony: Stairway To Heaven

I’m not the only one who sees the value of Tony Allen. My dear friend Bill Simmons, whom I’ve shared many a podcast with, recently wrote his annual trade deadline top 50 most valuable players article. Well guess who’s contract was deemed most desirable for teams to acquire. Tick tick tick.

What is Tony Allen for $300?

You would be correct! So if Bill Simmons believes in Tony Allen, why don’t you? I’m not trying to twist your arm to follow my Grizzled baller. I am, however, indian burning your arm to follow him.

Last week we broke down the numbers with Tony and saw the deeper side to ole “Trick or Treat” Tony (Boston C’s reference). Having spent such an inordinate amount of time with Tony’s tweets, I have noticed a few tendencies or “tells” in @aa000g9’s Twitter game. He likes to tweet about God and music. A lot.

Tony loves giving thanks to the man upstairs. I’m just not sure sometimes if the message is being delivered clearly because of some spelling issues. You see, Tony loves shoutin’ out (S/0) to “Farther God“.

When I read these tweets, my immediate thought is Jesus tapping Tony on the shoulder and quietly whispering “you mean Father God, but don’t worry I forgive you”. But nobody corrects Tony. Y’all are going to keep letting Tony give thanks to a “Farther God,” and when he’s at the pearly gates, grammar will cause his entrance to be delayed. How will you be able to sleep at night? Don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t be passive. It’s not a good look for you.

Tony’s faith is important to him. But a close second on Tony’s tweeting priority list is music and lyrics. He is constantly updating his playlist and his thirst for new music is unquenchable. He allows the music to move through him almost as much as the Holy Spirit. If you weren’t aware of this by now, it’s probably because you aren’t a music connoisseur like myself. No worries, I am here to help decipher and educate.

I’m talking about Future. And not the Michael J. Fox kind either.

He is a rapper, not the candy bar kind (shout out to old white people jokes!). Future has a strong hold on Tony’s ear at the moment. I also share the same affinity for a particular song from the anti-past rapper. I also secretly hope Tony adds an extra “R” in Future’s name. Christmas would come early for me if that happened. My goal is to tweet a lyric at Tony and see if he will respond (every typical white hip hopper’s assimilation wish).

So, this happened yesterday and I did laugh out loud. I get it when people use shorthand or phonetic spelling on Twitter. But this lady took it to a level that even the Kobe System is unfamiliar with. S/O to the Masked Mamba. I stumbled upon this on Tony’s Twitter feed…

I didn’t know how to respond so I just said a small prayer to FARTHER God for this poor soul. I believe she was trying to quote Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper…” She interpreted prosper into a convoluted chemistry term and produced Phosphor. I literally had to look back at this tweet 8 times to spell it correctly for this post. I’m worried for this woman. Her Phospherity theology is going to be very hard to explain to others.

But, maybe I am wrong in my judgement of her foolishness. Perhaps she has a lisp and prefers to emulate her voice in Twitterland. You know, because people are so transparent in their tweets. I could go on about this for a while, but my brother needs to use the computer for work (so selfish). I can write this because I know he won’t read my post, no botherly love. See how I brought it full circle. I think “R’s” are overrated.

Also see: February.

Until next week friends. Make sure to keep tabs on Tony, and if you get him to retweet a rap lyric I will give you a free Wise Guise t-shirt.


Posted on by Colin Stovall in Basketball, Featured, Sports, Tuesday's With Tony

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